How to Be the Life of the Party

By Jeff Pearson

During the holidays, every party needs an Uncle Fezziwig. It’s not me, but I know how to find him, or her, of course.

First, being the life of a party has nothing to do with gender. The key rests in one’s Code. In honor of Charles Dickens’s classic, A Christmas Carol, we examine the Code of the warm, jolly, and outgoing character Uncle Fezziwig.

For those that are new to this series, When the Golden Rule Backfires, the Code is what I call the traits brought to us by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. The eight basic elements are commonly referred to as Myers-Briggs personality traits.

Fezziwig is an extrovert (E), at least, that’s how he behaves at his party. Like many extroverts, Uncle Fezziwig gets his energy from being around others. He is in his zone when surrounded by people at a party. Introverts tend to socialize with a smaller group of people, ones they know well. Introverts can certainly transform into extroverts for an evening, but it will exhaust their energy, rather than replenish it.

Fezziwig is a sensor (S). He loves music. He is in tune to his surroundings—the smells, the sounds, the colors, and all things that stimulate our senses. He moves and dances about with ease and rhythm, very much aware (almost instinctively so) of all that is around him. In contrast, intuitives (N) often get lost in their own minds, missing the details and unintentionally ignoring what’s right next to them. Sensors might see intuitives as absent-minded and oblivious to what’s going on. And they’d often be right. For intuitives, the excitement exists in their mind. Because they look to the future, intuitives often forget to live in the present.

Fezziwig is a feeler (F). He knows your name. He likes to hug. He is warm, friendly, and all that is jolly and merry at a party. He is at his best at a party with family and friends. That is Uncle Fezziwig’s finest hour. A thinker (T) does not readily hug. A thinker often forgets names and can be seen as distant or even aloof. But that doesn’t mean a thinker doesn’t care. A thinker can care deeply. A thinker’s expression of caring, however, is not worn on his sleeve for all to see.

Fezziwig is a perceiver (P). Fezziwig is not bound by unnecessary rules, customs, or traditions. He enjoys the traditions, but does not need for them to be his way or a certain way at all. Fezziwig knows how to let go. He enjoys it. His dance can take the shape of whatever music is playing. Fezziwig is not a judger (J). A judger likely planned Fezziwig’s party. Judgers create lists and work through them to make sure the party goes according to their plan. Judgers love traditions and strive to do things the way they have been done before. It is hard, however, for a judger to go with the flow like Uncle Fezziwig at a holiday party.

We can’t all be Uncle Fezziwig all the time, but each of us can choose to depart from our Code if that’s something we want to do. In other words, we have the ability to depart from our natural tendencies. It is a very healthy exercise, especially when it’s the right thing to do. The next time you watch A Christmas Carol, pay attention to the end. At least for a day, Uncle Scrooge becomes—in every shape and form—Uncle Fezziwig.

Read more of this series, When the Golden Rule Backfires, at www.acrossthemarsh.com.