Negotiation Lessons from Military Training – It’s a Small World After All

by Jeff Pearson

I hope this article helps you find peace in whatever dispute you’re in. It’s about the lasting power of negotiating with respect and fairness.

A successful negotiation starts with respecting one’s competitor. There are few places where this concept rings truer than during armed conflict. Does this surprise you?

I will avoid going into the evolution of the laws of war because I’ve written this for civilians, that is, folks like you and me that find themselves working to resolve a dispute or, in a more positive sense, form a partnership. It is, however, worth mentioning that the laws of war strive to achieve lasting peace after the conflict ends. To do this, we must respect our adversary and, taking it a step further, treat our adversary with respect. This is hard to do when you are enemies, right? But it’s necessary, otherwise, wounds (not the physical kind) fester until another dispute rises yet again.

Before senior military members deploy overseas, they are trained (or should be trained) on conducting high-level negotiations. They study this as part of both leadership courses and post-graduate education, which flows from our national DIME strategy (Diplomatic, Informational, Military, and Economic instruments of influence). But at the practical level, military members are taught three core principles on how to negotiate. Here they are.

First, respect your competition, in particular, respect the person you are negotiating with. A good relationship between the two individuals leading the negotiation must be achieved. If mutual respect breaks down, then the matter becomes unnecessarily personal, which almost always results in poor results for all. This does not mean you need to be friends with your competitor. To the contrary, you can be sworn enemies. But respect must be maintained.

Second, strive for a fair deal. If you want to reach a deal or settlement, then explain why your offer is fair. Think about it—it’s hard to turn down an offer that is fair. Describing your position in terms of fairness also helps maintain respect and, more times than not, your competitor will compromise when he can say to himself, “Well, that seems fair.”

Third, know your backup plan. This goes by many names, including BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) or walk-away position. In the civilian sense, it could mean taking another job or partnering with another company. It could mean going to court or, in the military sense, going to war. But know the costs of doing so. Think about it. Who looks back on war and says, “That really worked out!” Some might say the same about court.

In conclusion, the larger point is this—after a dispute is resolved, we must work, live, or at least coexist with our competitors. This is far easier and more pleasant to do if, during the negotiations, we maintained respect and strove for fairness. As the classic Disney ride reminds us, it’s a small world after all.

Interesting note: The song “It’s a Small World After All” was written soon after the Cuban Missile Crisis. In 1964, it played at the World Fair in New York for the United Nations Children’s Fund. Now, it’s one of the most recognized tunes in the world . . . and a symbol of the collective yearning for world peace.